Raised Without a Safety Net

I was born and raised in Rocky, Oklahoma—right in the heart of what many outsiders would call a “tight-knit religious community.” But for those of us on the inside, the Church of the First Born wasn’t a place of sanctuary. It was a place of silence, fear, and deep spiritual control.

My earliest memories are punctuated by illness—painful ear infections that throbbed in the night while I curled up in bed, told only to pray. Doctors were not an option. Medical care was discouraged, even condemned. In the General Assembly and Church of the First Born, to seek a physician was to commit an act of doubt against God.

I didn't receive vaccinations until I was nearly 13 years old—on the brink of moving out of state. Only then, when paperwork and state law required it, was the needle allowed to touch my arm. It wasn’t seen as protection. It was seen as a necessary evil.

This church—like many branches of the General Assembly and Church of the First Born across the country—rejects modern medicine and embraces faith healing exclusively. As documented by the Cult Education Institute, the church has been repeatedly linked to preventable deaths, child neglect, and even criminal charges against parents who withheld medical care from their sick or dying children. In Idaho alone, more than a dozen children from Church of the First Born families have died since 2011, many from treatable conditions.

My husband knows that reality far too intimately. He was just 13 years old when he stood helpless as his mother died from a medical condition that could have easily been treated. But no ambulance was called. No doctor consulted. Just silence, prayer, and death.

There’s a deep-rooted belief in this sect that illness is a spiritual failing. If you get sick, you must have sinned. If someone dies, it’s “God’s will.” They preach that to turn to a doctor is to turn your back on faith. And as a result, countless people have suffered—many in complete secrecy, many in graves that should never have been filled.

The General Assembly and Church of the First Born operates across multiple states—Oklahoma, Idaho, Oregon, California, and others. It is often cloaked in rural isolation, hidden behind Bible verses and tradition. It doesn’t have one centralized leadership, which makes accountability slippery and almost nonexistent. And because it is classified as a religious organization, it continues to operate without oversight—even when children die.

You don’t escape this kind of upbringing unscarred. You carry the guilt, the confusion, the mistrust of the medical system. You second-guess your instincts. You question whether God will punish you for seeking help. Even years later, as a mother, I sometimes have to silence the voice in my head that still whispers, “Just pray. Don’t go.”

But I have also found truth. And I’ve found the strength to speak it.

Faith should not kill our children. Religion should not shield abuse. And no church should operate above the law simply because it claims to speak for God.

If you were raised in the Church of the First Born—or are still inside it—please know this: You are not alone. Your pain is real. And you have the right to step away, to question, to survive.

There is no shame in seeking help. There is no weakness in calling an ambulance. There is no sin in wanting to live.

We must do better. For the children who are still growing up inside this system. For the ones who didn’t survive it. And for all of us still trying to heal

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